River Foss
I follow Rivers...of blood.. (Magicians Remix)
If...during an intensely hot spell in York during the Summer...(a heat wave...hosepipe ban...ice cream for tea...you get the mutha fuckin picture)...I, as a weary traveller/a pilgrim...took off my shoes and socks and rolled up my jeans to paddle my feet and cool down at a quiet bank of the River Foss....and my legs and feet were ravenously consumed by a murderously aggressive shoal of Piranha... leaving me with only bloody nubby stumps at my upper thighs...and a WTF just happened soppy cunt look on my face...I would sue the fuck out of the Local Authority for about Ten Billion Dollars or Pounds...(doesn't really matter which..they're both Fiat and are fucked..soon to be replaced with CBDCs)...for failing to provide the appropriate signage/warnings in relation to the marine life of the river and its associated risk and danger.
With respect to wheelchairs...I will not accept one even if it is free...or the most advanced biotronic super advanced transformer prosthetic legs....I will have two Samurai swords attached privately/Bupa (legit Samurai Swords/ Like Ghost Dog
or Tom Cruise in the last Samurai/ or The Seven Samurai..
)...
Folded Japanese steel...the best that Japan has ever produced...Basically I will walk on Samurai Swords...and if I get some disablist bullshit from some gobshite Yorkshire inbred...I'll roundhouse the cunt and chop his mutha fuckin dome off...Wu Tang Shit...
If some spazzy Yorkshire cunt called me 'blade runner'...like the whining maggot fuck South African prick ( Oscar Pistorious...see Yes Ma'am Court bullshit)...I'll chop their mutha fuckin dome off too.
I concede that the likelihood of an attack (Piranha) is not high...they are not native to these shores ...but at least I've thought the mutha fucker through and have a plan...while you've been smoking your Ma's old dildos you found in a hedge…like you’ve done all your useless life.
I’ve had to consider the prospect of becoming leg disabled/fucked for the last five years. The church I used to go to in Preston (St. Michaels and All Angels)…where I would sit on one of the benches outside…(I don’t like mixing with fake fuck plastic Christians…shit the bed crowd…social distancing/church closure/masking/muzzling cunts). Anyway I started picking up the spirit of this man from the olden days…I think he died in one of the world wars. When he was alive he used to go to this church…maybe he’s buried there. Anyway this poor fucker became disabled…one of his legs grew two feet longer than the other leg. Not half an inch or a few centimeters…it just kept growing until walking as a bi ped was impossible. He went to one of the wars and got bombed or shot or bayonetted or whatever. Anyway..I was picking up his spirit outside the Church. I spent some of my time while I was doing a gay as fuck and fake as Jordan tits PhD to design various vehicles that were adapted for one of my legs growing two foot longer…so if it happened I had already engineered the fuck out of the scenario. I told Rhianna (my ex)…she said she understood but she ran to the bathroom and I could hear her laughing. She is a Muslim and does not understand Christian theology …but she had the largest lingerie collection I have ever known. She said she understood and I just needed to ignore his long leg bullshit…which worked for a bit… but things got worse…in the summer…bats that live in the eaves of the church came out…started transmitting porn images via their infrared sonar. I could pick up the radar frequency (What’s the Frequency Kenneth? 666.142 Bat Porn
)…it wasn’t bat porn as in bats fucking etc etc…they send/transmit human porn. So I couldn’t fuckin win…it was either super long leg man or bat porn…so I had to start going to St Andrews round the corner.